See, there are two conflicting things going on in the business coaching arena just now.
One side tells everyone, “Listen to your own gut! Never make a decision based on someone else’s feedback!”
And the other side declares, “You hired the experts for a reason. Do whatever they tell you and it’s going to work.”
So where’s the middle ground between these two *very* different advice-taking philosophies? And what happens when you and your coach disagree?
Here’s how to tell when pushback to your business mentor’s latest homework is due to your inner guidance conflicting with hers, or when it’s just a matter of you not being teachable.
‘Cause how are you going to know whether that initial resistance to my coaching suggestion for you is due to a mindset issue you need to work on vs. a legitimate “I can’t do it this way”?
You’d never find out with an ordinary coach – the kind masquerading as your do-everything-my-way consultant. This is real coaching, not prescriptive big sister bossing.
Here’s the problem I have with the “never take someone else’s advice folks”: if you never needed help, you wouldn’t have hired a coach. So by definition – unless you’re really foolish with your money – you’re in this mentoring relationship for a reason.
A lack.
Something you can’t figure out on your own.
And that’s perfectly okay!
That’s why all of us go find an expert when we can’t figure out how to sleep train our kids or what the right baby wrap to wear is or whatever our top #momlife worry of the moment is.
What I’m getting at here is that you *did* want some advice, so you paid for it, but now I don’t want you to turn your brain off.
Don’t just accept anything I say (or any other coach, for that matter!) as the gospel truth for your and your business right now. Don’t turn off your common sense about your family and your unique situation.
Why? Because you know those better than me. Will always do. And so you’ve got to be the ultimate arbiter, the ultimate gatekeeper, about changes you may or may not make to your family. Your business.
Your coach can’t predict what’s coming for you. But *you* know – what’s likely to happen, anyways – and it’s *your* intuition that should be guiding the show.
Giving the final stamp of approval on every suggestion your coach makes.
Now, the other side of this – the “I don’t need to question the experts when they’ve handed down their decision” – is equally wrong. For all the reasons I just mentioned above.
Here, think of it this way – let’s say I just brainstormed you this most brilliant solution to your daily schedule and how to fit everything in. I tell you, you brighten up – and then you remember. Oh, wait. That’s right when my 4-year-old gets fussy and wants attention from mommy. I can’t work right then. It’s a big, open space in my schedule, but there’s this family thing going on that I never told her about.
Should you still take my advice now? Go make your 4-year-old unhappy and more clingy than ever because the productivity “expert” didn’t have all the facts and made a poor decision?
No! You should use the extra information *you* have, share it with your coach (or just say it doesn’t feel right, and here’s why), and ask to go back to the drawing board for a new daily schedule.
And if she won’t do that, just keeps pushing her solution and her way on you, then get a new coach. That’s not the way this works.
*We* serve *you*. The mom. The business owner. The client.
Not the other way ‘round. And if we’re not willing to listen to *you*, to make adjustments based on *your* unique situation, then everything about this coaching relationship is all wrong.
Toss it out. Get a new one. Let your intuition be the guide.
See, that’s what this really means – it means ask for help, but let your inner knowing doublecheck that coach’s feedback.
Let your gut feeling second-guess or rubberstamp what she’s telling you.
And if it doesn’t jive, bring it up right away so she can course correct and give you a better suggestion.
Because you might as well take advantage of her expert feedback – she just needs to know a little more about you. About why this may or may not work.
And always, always honor *your* intuition first.
Because she may be the paid mentor, but you’re the life-liver. And that trumps all.
