The false choice between me time and mom time as a mompreneur

Have you ever gotten stuck in the “I’ve got to take a breather, but my kids are begging for a (story/walk/tickle fight)” conundrum?

Today we’re going to go deeper with this “I’ve can’t do self-care and be a good mommy” mindset that’s been ingrained into us.

(Despite the constant input from the “love yourself” industry – some things are hard to break!)

Here’s what happens when you live according to that mom = martyr mentality.

How to avoid your breaking point

First of all, you’re constantly living on the edge. Of what? Breakdown.

Breakdown of your temper, your decision-making muscles, your optimism… maybe even your ability to cook supper!

You know the fix for that, right?

Fill yourself up. You must take a break. It’s not a choice between me time vs. story time, guys.

It’s a choice between snapping mommy and ready-to-go mommy. Between frazzle and quiet.

Do you think your kids deserve a mom who yells at them? Of course not!

Then why are you living in a pattern that makes it practically unavoidable (unless you were a super saint with ten times the normal willpower)?

Put that way, why aren’t you doing everything you can to ensure that your kids grow up with a mom who’s ready for storytime – happy to take them to the park – eager to wrestle them to the floor for snuggles?

Isn’t that what we want for our kids’ growing up?

Then it shouldn’t be so surprising that that level of interaction takes care and intention. Support.

(You wouldn’t expect a hot meal on the table every night at five-thirty without cooking training, a grocery shop completed, and ample time to prep that day, would you? Same diff.)

Those under-the-surface fears

So, what do you think could go wrong? What are you afraid about if you do start taking self-care time in the afternoons?

Let’s find out what’s lurking in the back of your brain, surface it, and give it the “truth or lie” treatment.

How this works: “I’ll look terribly selfish if I sit down to crochet for an hour in the afternoons. After all, there’s always something else I could be doing – like getting a head start on supper!”

Truth or lie time: Does making time for a hobby automatically equal self-centeredness?

• What about for kids – are they thinking only of themselves when they’re lost in a book?
• What about your husband’s photography interest?
• Or your mom’s newfound love of painting?
• Or is it only you, the mom, whose hobby is selfish? Hmm?

Because if that’s what you’re thinking, deep down – that everyone else is allowed to do something they love, but not you – then I’ve got news for you.

You know what you’re modeling to your kids? That being a mom is such an important task, that they better give up everyone and everything they love and spend twenty years as the household drudge. Then they’re allowed to have hobbies, go out with friends, and enjoy life again.

(And you wonder why motherhood and childcare are seen as less-than, delay-till-I’m-older, possibly never-do-at-all tasks? This is where it’s coming from. Right here.)

Why would anyone choose motherhood if the unspoken requirement of SAHM life is modern-day servitude?

What are they learning from this?

And lastly, if you don’t resonate with either of the above reasons, what do you think your “go till you drop” mentality is teaching your kids?

• That 80-hour workweeks are the mark of success?
• That it’s a badge of virtue to clean till you collapse on the floor?
• That doing all the things for everyone else in the world is the mark of a good citizen?

Sounds pretty awful, right? But that’s what your example is showing them. And they pick up on what you do, not just what you say.

Really, the point of taking care of yourself is so that you can take care of the kids.

• Show them what it looks like to be a healthy, contributing adult.
• Model bumping up against your tired times and what to do to recover.
• You know… teach them coping skills?

‘Cause not everything in life can be brute forced to a solution. Sometimes, you just need sixty minutes of peace and quiet.

Often, the solution is found in silence.

And we need to be the ones showing our kids how that works.

What mom mindset lies have you found lurking in your subconscious?

And what truths about yourself, the support you need to give time to the kids, and setting a good example for them are you going to replace those lies with, whenever they pop up?

See, you can have time for yourself and for them – not just for them and the to-do list.

Tip over the mommy beliefs iceberg and start melting all those false beliefs.

Your kids will love their childhood, and guess what? You will, too.