Ever think back to your life before kids?
Ever wonder how you possibly thought you were snowed under with tasks, responsibilities, and obligations, with never enough free time?
Yeah, that’s a laugh. Try motherhood, you mentally tell your former self.
But since you’re here – since you have those kids, and this life – what say we do a little mindset work and reframe your expectations?
After all, having kids didn’t wreck your life. They’re not to blame for every ounce of overwhelm and piece of pressure.
No, you are the one who chose to respond that way. To see your choices as “overwhelm” or “frustration,” with no third option.
So we need to start with you.
First thing
The first thing you need to do? Reset your expectations (compared to life without kids).
Yes, you’ve got less free time (and time in general) than you used to enjoy (or squander).
Yes, your responsibility load is higher.
But that isn’t the end of the world – not at all.
You’ve already developed efficiencies as a mother, structures to share the load in parenting, and routines to handle all the new moving parts.
If you look at it this way, you’re actually on a self-development journey – one where you reach your full potential.
You just have to set up a totally different structure, with yes, less free time/fewer focus blocks – to revamp your expectations.
- Don’t expect to sleep in on Saturday mornings.
- Don’t intend to take every weeknight evening for yourself (and then get mad when someone has a sports practice).
- Don’t see it as your unalienable right to have the day to yourself, with nary a diaper change or bottom to wipe in sight, and groan when you get up for the zillionth time to attend to someone else’s needs.
Because you already chose this life, these kids, those activities; now you have to live with them.
So why not do it as smoothly and joyfully as possible?
Again, expectations are the key.
Next up
The next thing I want you to do is gauge where you’re at.
- Where is your family at?
- What season are you and they in?
- What are your kids doing now?
Picture it this way.
There is a world of a difference between a mom of twins (who both signed up for piano lessons, same teacher/same time) and a mom of four, with kids spaced 3 years apart.
The second mom is dealing with a 3-year-old, 6-year-old, 9-year-old, and 12-year-old who are in completely different stages, interests, and physical development.
One’s struggling with using words to express her emotions, her older brother is learning to read, the next boy is plugging away in school but dealing with friend issues, and the 12-year-old just hit puberty.
Whew! That’s a lot of issues, interests, and extracurriculars to juggle. (And you thought twins was hard!)
You’re on a self-development journey – why not do it as smoothly and joyfully as possible?
See how evaluating the kids’ ages and stages can bring you freedom?
No, it can’t erase the fact that you’re still bound by naptimes or required to tote cheerios along at all times.
But what it can do is ease the pressure of “I should” be doing this activity. Going to that ball game (past the baby’s bedtime). Getting involved in this group at church (right at naptime).
Your kids aren’t ready for those things right now.
They will be, one day.
But not now. So you don’t have to do any of it.
You’re free to pare back. To focus on the essentials.
Last of all
And last of all, guard your free time.
(I know you’re getting some – even just a teensy bit.)
How much downtime are you getting now?
Whatever amount it is, no matter how small, make the most of it.
Hedge it around with some no-breaking-under-any-circumstances boundaries.
You’ve got less free time than you used to, there’s no denying it – so treat your down time as if it’s every bit as important as your to-do list.
Because it is.
Your ability to function as an individual, as a parent, depends on getting the off time you need.
All I can say is, if you want to avoid mommy burnout, you have to prioritize your time off!
So there it is.
That’s the key to success, to retraining your mindset post-kids.
Because you still have a good life – a great one. You just have to reframe your expectations.
You can get past survival mode to thrive in #momlife mode.
I want that for you. Do you?
