I was out with friends, and a new mom commented that she’d just gotten out of the newborn phase with her daughter and was loving the fact that her cute little baby could play on her own for a smidgen – but several months was a long time to be out of the habit of cooking and cleaning regularly compared to pre-baby!
She was feeling the pull to get self-disciplined again and start doing things around the house, but I could tell it was definitely a “should” and something that would take a lot of force.
Here’s what I told her, as the gentler version.
First things first, before you get all “discipline” and “gung-ho” on yourself, take some time to consciously *choose* your housekeeping priorities for this new season of life.
You wanted a baby; got one; and had your life turned upside down. That’s all in the past now. Your past self is gone.
What does your mother self have the capacity to do? Even just in this season? (Seasons with babies often look like the next 6 months!)
Go over your cleaning schedule. Then your cooking schedule. How much variety and how fancy your meals are. How much prep your lunches take.
What about your extra cleaning? What about those extra volunteer opportunities at church or wherever?
Think about everything through the lens of “I have a different energy level now, ‘cause most of my time is going to taking care of my baby. What do I *actually want* to do now?”
‘Cause you’re allowed to change. You’re allowed to say, “I loved getting to baseboards every month, but now I just don’t care.” You’re even allowed to say, “I don’t like that I don’t care anymore – but this new identity can’t muster up the energy to clean them. Coffee and showers trump baseboards every time.”
You see? You don’t have to fully embrace this new identity-energy shift if you’re still a gourmet cook at heart. If you took pride in how clean your house was before baby.
All you have to do is let that be a work in progress, and concentrate on what you *will* allow yourself to do for this 6-month season.
The rest, can wait. ‘Cause she’ll get older, and older, and by the time she’s 3 or 4 she’s going to be potty trained, feeding herself, and generally able to do things in the house without you.
(I know that sounds like heaven right now, and at the same time too long to wait.)
The point is, don’t overload your current mom schedule with pre-baby-self expectations.
Now, the 2nd thing you need to do, is actually take a look at that schedule!
We’re going to block out all your baby feeding and baby bouncing and grumpy baby times, then make sure *you* have time to eat and shower and all that, and then we’re going to see what’s left.
It’s probably not much at this point. Here’s a hint: if she’s just been fed and is happy, that’s a time block (before you need to entertain her). And if she’s napping, that’s another free time block.
You should have a few of these throughout the day. Use ‘em.
That’s the secret to getting housework done when you have a baby around – any minute she’s happily squiggling on the floor or batting at toys beside you in her bouncy seat, you take that time and run.
Say it’s 20 minutes and then she’s going to need more active socializing from you.
- You can take 3 minutes to start the laundry
- 6 minutes to wash up the breakfast dishes
- And 11 minutes to prep the crock pot for supper
See? Done!
And then in your 2nd happy-baby time block of the day, you put away those dishes and move the laundry to the dryer (and probably do a little house pickup from your little goo-goo monster or make yourself some coffee).
Now, you’re going to have multiple of these happy-baby blocks, right? ‘Cause she’s tanked up post feeding and taking at least 2 naps a day. So I’m guessing you’ve got at least 4 or 5 of these hands-free 20-minute slots available.
(And 20 minutes is just an estimate, remember? It’s going to depend on your specific baby.)
You’re probably using the first one on getting dressed, and then we filled up the next 2 already.
What about her first nap of the day? That’s a longer one, right? This is where you fold that laundry (or do some other cleaning chore – remember, no more than 1 per day now that you’ve got a baby, right?) or get yourself some lunch in peace and quiet – whatever takes *you* longer during your day than a 20-minute all-hands-on-deck speed cleaning or food prepping block.
(And if you really get crunched for time, don’t forget the old “baby on one hip and can in the other hand” trick – you can set up your crockpot session by bringing one jar or ingredient at a time over, while carrying little goo-goo around! Entertains her, gets you ready for your next prep time, and who cares if it’s a little slow.)
Side note here: don’t forget to take one of those time slots – preferably her afternoon nap, so you get the most amount of time – for yourself.
By this I mean *you* getting to recharge, sit down and do something for fun, call your mom, etcetera.
Because we don’t want to turn this new baby phase into survival mode and I hate my life phase – which means *you* need to have some built-in time that’s for you, the woman.
Your pre-baby self still exists in there – she’s still got those same interests and friends and reading habits. She just gets kinda swamped by the demands of #momlife and can’t come out very often.
So this is when you feed *her*. Nurture your “I’m a person, not just a mom” self. Give your body the chance to sit down, your brain the chance to do something non-baby-oriented, and your emotions the chance to gush out instead of keeping it all in for the baby.
You’re an adult, now. But that means *you* need uplifting and encouragement time, too.
You’ll be a way happier mom if you intentionally build hobby time, or friend time, or even just nap time (since you’re still getting up at night!) into your new afternoon routine post newborn mode.
‘Cause it’s a huge gift to have that freedom to *not* be holding her every second of the day.
Enjoy it.
Revel in it.
And grade your to-do’s to your energy for this season – knowing that another one’s coming just around the corner. And in about 6 months, it’ll show up.
Okay, last thing: your third secret hack to enjoying life as a new mom is to take a good, hard look at what you’re putting on your to-do list.
Yes, I know we did that back in step one – but this is different.
This is about removing the shoulds, and making room for the want-to’s.
Sound strange? Think of it like this.
Do you want to force yourself through your day-to-day time blocks, grumping at the thought of this being bathroom day or spaghetti night? Resenting whatever you picked as your chores for the day?
I’d argue that that’s an extremely counterproductive way to go about your household must-do’s. Yes, there’s a place for discipline – but you’re using up most of it on night wake-ups and baby attending!
So I want you to make your daily housekeeping chores as easy as possible for yourself (no, it’s not cheating!) and find out what *you’d* actually care about doing in this season.
Do you *want* to cook like that anymore? Food prep all five lunches? Clean those bathrooms twice a week? Mop the floors weekly?
Which cleaning chores would you *actually* want to get done – notice I said *want* – if you saw them on your to-do list tomorrow?
And then which food prepping chores do you honestly care about in this season? (If you can’t stand the thought of making your own bread now that your time is super-compressed, it’s okay.)
And if you’ve recently decided that you hate the work involved for lasagna but really crave Italian food, and you’re perfectly happy to cook up a one-pot cheesy-pasta-hamburger dish, then no big deal, just shift up your food menu.
You see, you’ve got to have chores that *you* care about doing and meals that are worth it to you (eating wise) to do the prep for.
Otherwise you won’t want to hit the basics at all. So.
What’s *your* cleaning level?
How often do *you* want the floors to be vacuumed?
What level of tidiness is easy for *you* to maintain?
How much (if any) lunch prepping is worth it to you right now?
Only put *those* chores on your weekly, then daily to-do list. Your rapidly-depleted willpower will thank you.
So.
How do you want to use *this* season with your not-so-little baby? What to-do’s do you have the capacity to do?
Keep it realistic – don’t put more on your chore list than you can fit in those 4 or 5 happy-baby times per day – and make sure you’re keeping one of them for yourself. For your own things.
(And by things, I don’t mean making doctor’s appointments! Has to be fun things.)
That’s the secret of how to not only survive the early stages of motherhood, but to get yourself back on track with all the cooking and cleaning and feel good about what you’ve accomplished every day as a stay-at-home mom.
I know you can do it; you’ve got this.
