Q: Want to know the fastest way to reduce your tidy-up responsibilities?
A: Stop picking up everyone else’s stuff!
No, I’m serious. If you view a picked-up house as your responsibility, down to the last drawer in the kids’ bathroom, then your tidy-up duties are never going to end.
Now, on the other hand, if you train your school-age-and-up kids to put away their OWN things, then next time someone complains about the bathroom mess, you get to tell them, “Whose fault is it? Put away your share, and call your next sibling to do theirs!”
Because it’s not your fault. Or your problem.
(Unless you skip reminding them to do their own picking up, of course.)
So how can you retrain your brain to NOT straighten every last cushion and put away every single misplaced sock? Let me explain….
You’re not the rescuer
You’re taking on too much when you constantly rescue family members from the effects of over-owning.
After all, they’ll never learn that they need to pare down if you’re always at hand, offering to hunt through spare boxes for thirty minutes to find XYZ for them!
They need to take responsibility for their own things, or maybe they don’t care so much about actually owning those socks/cars/rocks in the first place.
Think of it this way: you’re teaching your family that mom is the maid. Is that really what you intended?
Sure, you were “just tidying,” but it’s ballooned into something far bigger than that. And it’s time to stop.
They can pick up their own rooms – and everything else of theirs that’s floating around your main living spaces.
They don’t get to ruin it
Speaking of main living spaces, don’t allow their things – their clutter – to overtake and drown the simplified space you’re creating.
That’s not making space for your family; it’s called letting them ruin whatever space you make.
It’s called being powerless.
Send the stray socks, backpack contents, Sunday school papers, and random toys back to their room; let them deal with it.
Place your husband’s things in an agreed-on spot (whether in the garage, on his dresser, or his closet) and treat him like a grown-up – aka, find a place to put his own possessions.
It’s not your job (anymore).
Change your mindset from “family stuff manager” to “caretaker of common spaces.”
Say that to yourself ten times a day if you have to, and call the kids out from the backyard once again. “Here’s your sock!” “Go put away your rock collection!”
And do this reminder cycle all day till the house stays clean. (It’ll take a while to retrain the kids.)
Your desire to live in spacious, picked-up spaces is more important than their desire to avoid putting anything away. Okay?
Maintain your own stuff
Now, here’s the good news.
When you do this – when you change your mindset from “family stuff manager” to “caretaker of common spaces” plus “manager of my things,” you release the “everything’s got to be perfect, and I’m the one responsible for making it so” vibe.
- Every single piece of paper on the kitchen countertop is no longer your responsibility; every single cooking item IN the kitchen is.
- Same for the toys all over the coffee table (not in the toy bin) at 7pm; it’s your job to call the kids to come pick it up.
- Even the kitchen table post-supper isn’t all your job anymore; THEY get to bring over dirty dishes, straighten napkins, and de-crumb their placemats!
And that makes the job of minimalism maintenance far easier on you.
It’s time to make a sea change in your family’s (lack of) pickup duties.
To nudge them into good tidy-up habits by the simple expedient of refusing to do it for them any longer.
It’s time to start reminding, not tidying.
Watch what happens to your mental load as you release the pressure of being the sole person who picks up around the house.
Which part of your house are you most excited to quit the pickup and call THEM to do it?
Go right ahead.
