So one trap moms often fall into is thinking, “Well, but I might regret making that change. My family won’t like it. Or it won’t turn out to be the right thing for me. So I better not try it.”
Here’s why I can practically *guarantee* that you’re never going to wish you’d kept everything the same….
Because sometimes finding that perfect tweak to your schedule requires three different grocery run times before you land on just the right one!
Because every time you alter something about one of your routines, you’re taking action and moving towards your goal (of a lighter, more margin-filled #momlife).
Because when (not if) that first tweak you tried doesn’t quite hit the nail on the head for you, *now* you’ve got a bunch of useful data on *your* family, *your* routines, and *your* energy levels. (From the what not to do perspective.)
It’s all useful. It’s all moving you forward. It’s all proving that yes, you’re taking action.
Theorizing in your head about what the perfect schedule looks like is *not* action.
Imperfect action *is*.
And if you’re worried about a few things that are *already* on your family calendar, let’s walk through these scenarios and show you what’s real and what’s not.
First up: if you’re thinking…. “Well, that’s great, but I can’t start right now on my new schedule right now because I can’t cut any of the good things I’ve got going on….” Here’s why that’s a mistake that will hold you back from success.
Have you actually visualized your life without one or more of those activities? Have you checked to see if you feel lighter at the thought of not having to go everywhere/do everything? Because until you check in with yourself, your intuition, you don’t really know. Maybe you’ll miss it – maybe you won’t!
Which is more important to you: being a part of each and every one of those groups, or experiencing peace and lightness in your life? Honestly, now? (You do realize those groups can survive without you. Your kids will make it even if they can’t finish out the semester, or have to skip lessons 1 year. The world will go on without you.)
So, don’t lose heart/be discouraged at your insignificance in the larger picture – it’s actually a gift! This means you CAN take the time to unplug, hit the reset button, and redesign your life from the ground up. It’s go time, girl!
Scenario two: you’re thinking…. “Well, that’s great, but I can’t start right now because I’ll be hurting my kids by cutting back….” Here’s why that’s a mistake.
Maybe your parents didn’t let you finish piano lessons, and you’ve always regretted it. You swore you’d never harm your kids by forcing them to drop things they’re into. But now you’re almost regretting the fact that your kids are so talented/into so many different things, because it’s getting so hard to keep up….
Get to the root of the matter. WHAT do you regret about your own experience? Did you actually have time to keep on doing it? Do you wish you’d picked it back up in high school – college – young adult life? (What’s to stop you from doing it now?)
You see, we can’t put our burdens on our kids. We have to start, ground up, with what’s best for them. They’re not us; they’re different.
Third scenario: “I just know my family will hate this new, bare bones schedule – even if I like it.”
Well, did you actually try cutting out almost all the activities? Or is this just your fear talking?
And if you’re contemplating an activity purge, make sure you hear from them, in their own words – get THEM to rank the activities in order of importance (to them personally), and to explain WHY they did so. NOW you can see what the family consensus is actually about (goes much better than, “I want to cut something – which activity do you want to drop?” “None of them!”)
Fourth scenario: “People just keep giving me more projects/tasks to take on. No matter how good I make my schedule, it’s swamped two days later!”
Yep, they do keep dropping stuff on you. And you know what? It’s because you let them.
Sometime in the past, they learned that you never say no. And so they’ve developed a habit of always bringing that thing to you.
Guess what – if you start setting boundaries – telling them no most of the time – they’ll quit asking you to be point-man! YOU have to start training THEM – retraining, actually – that you’re not available to help. (Or help last-minute.)
That’s the way this works.
And lastly, scenario five: “But I won’t have the willpower to say no to the time demands from other people.”
Yes, I know the last time this happened you had all the good intentions in the world. You MEANT to protect your time, say no to the people-pleasers, and stand up for yourself. But somehow, you just couldn’t get the words out….
Try this: next time someone asks you for something (that’s going to take up a lot of time), picture your current life. It’s free, it’s clear, it’s enjoyable.
Now imagine it with this activity/project/commitment added in. Is the joy gone? Has the lightness been sucked out? Or do you still have margin, peace, enjoyment in life?
Answer based on that. (And if you can’t visualize on the fly, no worries! Ask for time to consider/say you’ll get back to them. THEN go imagine your future with + without what they’re asking.)
See if you see yourself in any one of these five calendar scenarios (or all of them!), and recenter yourself on what’s important.
You. Your family. Your schedule.
Everyone else can take their expectations of you and go stuff it.