Will self care turn me into a narcissist?
That’s the question that’s top of mind for most moms as soon as I tell them they need to be taking *more* time off.
But won’t selfcare make me selfish? Isn’t it fundamentally self-indulgent? Aren’t I *already* taking too much time off?
What’s really beneath this – from a self-worth level – is the perspective that I’m never allowed to take time off without having a really good justification for it. Like, I’m about to drop dead so I need a break justification for it.
But that’s not how we want to live. Not as introverted, highly sensitive biz owners with kids and teams and families and all the works, at any rate.
So once you’ve got *that* through your head, your next question is usually, “How much alone time is right for me?” Put another way, “Can’t I get by with just 40-50 minutes’ of downtime a day?”
Uh, no. No, you can’t.
That’s not the way taking a brain break or restoring your mom batteries completely works.
And you know it.
You’re just trying to slide by, keeping both sides happy, by simultaneously *taking* that downtime while not taking enough of it to be actually useful.
There! I did it! I fulfilled my enlightened woman expectations! (And I made very, very sure that it couldn’t possibly inconvenience my family, canceled it if it did, and kept it short enough that nobody noticed I was gone. There.)
- Do you see how *ridiculous* that sounds?
- How that couldn’t possibly be enough time to make a difference?
- Why you’re shooting yourself in the foot each and every time you go into your quiet time with that ridiculous set of “only if it bothers nobody else” expectations?
Go by your inner energy meter, not the kitchen timer.
You can’t possibly get any good out of being off your feet (other than the bare physical nature of giving your feet a break) when you’re mentally keeping an ear out for your family to need you.
When you’re still mentally “checked in” to the parenting world and *not* to your hobby world. When you can’t rely on your husband to handle the kids for you, even for 45 minutes.
That’s not living as an empowered, unbusy, teamed-up woman. Who’s learned to ask for what she wants, accept compromises, sure, and ultimately still get it.
*That’s* what you’re supposed to be living as today.
So no more of this “what’s the bare minimum I can take for quiet time” rules mongering, you hear? I want so much more for you than that.
I want you to rely on your inner energy meter, not the outward timer. To judge when you’re done and filled up by how calm you filled inside, *not* by how many hours you’ve been gone from the kids.
(Assuming you’re in a position where childcare can trust you, of course. If you have a hard deadline when you need to be home, that’s another thing. But try not to put yourself in that position.)
What nitty gritty, mindset-level shift can you make to your day – today – and drop the selfcare equals narcissism thinking?
Your whole energetic outlook is gonna change after this. I promise.
